This is you from 2021

Hi 

    It has been a long time. A very long time. I know this is kinda weird to start writing on this blog again after so many years have passed. The last date that I visited this blog was in 2017 huh? 

    You know, I started to read the old posts that I have wrote back then. It was kinda cringey to be honest? Glad that I have grown from it though haha. But then, those writings still hold the mental state I have back then and I noticed that; I was in pain for a long time. A long long time. 

    So, I will write this post to comfort my past self that wrote those posts. I know this sounds absurd but that past self is still inside me. And I want to save my past self. Will writing this post helps? I don't know. I really don't, but my past self needs to know something from the future me. 

    Back then, we suffered a long time right? And we didn't even have trustworthy people that I could talk to (not because we didn't friends but we didn't have friends that we were able to talk about my pain). So here's the thing, about what happened after 2017. You got hurt by people around you too. That thing ended up happening again. And it will not stop. Humans, we always hurt others and get hurt by them. But, hating them back will not solve anything. It will hurt you more. It crippled your emotions and feelings that you always value and you suffered again and again. You became numb. You hated and scared of everything. 

    But then, like always, Auni, you learned and got stronger again. The you who always ended up hating people who have hurt you becomes someone who does not want to do that again and choose love even though some people will said that you are weak. Because you finally realized that hatred destroys people and you don't want those precious feelings of love that you always have in your heart weakened. You finally know the things that make you happy and you finally can forgive some people too. 

    I am proud of you. I really do. To choose love despite of having strong feelings of hatred is such a strong act that not everyone can do. I am happy we are able to do that. 

    Listen. You are happier now. Even though, there still people that you hate and hurt you but you are happier. Because you have Allah and you really love Him. And you know that as long as you live in this Dunya, you will get hurt to become a much more stronger version of yourself. Because that's the thing that you are always asking Him to grant to you. 

    You also gained more confidence again. You met many people that will listen to you and won't hurt you. You also like studying again. Your grades are always excellent. You want to become a good teacher. You want to help others. You are surrounded by some great friends that are really important. 

    But, you are still human too. Of course, despite of good things that you are having now, you still have things that are struggling. You are scared of getting hurt, you are scared of meeting new people, you are scared of your hatred and you are always afraid to trouble others. And it's okay. They are issues that really common; that happens to everyone else too. 

    But, you will be fine. You have gone through a much more terrible things before and from that you gained strength to overcome anything. You are you. The person who always keeps on making mistakes, hurt herself and others, scared of some things and indeed that what makes you, a normal human like others. You will be fine. 

    You are not useless at all. People always forget their abilities and what they can do until they ended up comparing themselves with others. Those people who hurt you with their words; actually they don't really know anything about yourself. So, it's okay. Just strive forward. Because only you know yourself. If some people hurt you with their words or actions again, you do not need to blame yourself and believe in them. That hurtful acts that they did say more about their personality and not about you. You deserve good things, Auni. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be acknowledged by others (not all because it's impossible to please others okay?). You are fine with the way you are. Don't let other people decide your worth because they also do not know themselves that well too. 

    It's okay to ask for help if you are struggling okay? It's not weak at all. You are not alone at all. You have Him; the one who controls the world. And as long as the love for Him exists in you; you are going to be fine. Your love for Him is not something that's easy for you to erase. So, I believe that you are going to be fine. 

    Lastly, I am sorry. I am really sorry for not valuing you more. I let others' words controlled you and made you hurt again. I'm sorry. But from that pain, you grew to become a much more stronger person. And I am very proud of you. 

    To my past, my pain, my sufferings, I love you. And you should always remember this love and keep on moving forward. You want to help others and become a much more stronger person right? Do that. Don't waver. You will be fine. 

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank  you for being strong. Without you, this future me won't exist. 

Take care. 

This is you from 2021

Hi 

    It has been a long time. A very long time. I know this is kinda weird to start writing on this blog again after so many years have passed. The last date that I visited this blog was in 2017 huh? 

    You know, I started to read the old posts that I have wrote back then. It was kinda cringey to be honest? Glad that I have grown from it though haha. But then, those writings still hold the mental state I have back then and I noticed that; I was in pain for a long time. A long long time. 

    So, I will write this post to comfort my past self that wrote those posts. I know this sounds absurd but that past self is still inside me. And I want to save my past self. Will writing this post helps? I don't know. I really don't, but my past self needs to know something from the future me. 

    Back then, we suffered a long time right? And we didn't even have trustworthy people that I could talk to (not because we didn't friends but we didn't have friends that we were able to talk about my pain). So here's the thing, about what happened after 2017. You got hurt by people around you too. That thing ended up happening again. And it will not stop. Humans, we always hurt others and get hurt by them. But, hating them back will not solve anything. It will hurt you more. It crippled your emotions and feelings that you always value and you suffered again and again. You became numb. You hated and scared of everything. 

    But then, like always, Auni, you learned and got stronger again. The you who always ended up hating people who have hurt you becomes someone who does not want to do that again and choose love even though some people will said that you are weak. Because you finally realized that hatred destroys people and you don't want those precious feelings of love that you always have in your heart weakened. You finally know the things that make you happy and you finally can forgive some people too. 

    I am proud of you. I really do. To choose love despite of having strong feelings of hatred is such a strong act that not everyone can do. I am happy we are able to do that. 

    Listen. You are happier now. Even though, there still people that you hate and hurt you but you are happier. Because you have Allah and you really love Him. And you know that as long as you live in this Dunya, you will get hurt to become a much more stronger version of yourself. Because that's the thing that you are always asking Him to grant to you. 

    You also gained more confidence again. You met many people that will listen to you and won't hurt you. You also like studying again. Your grades are always excellent. You want to become a good teacher. You want to help others. You are surrounded by some great friends that are really important. 

    But, you are still human too. Of course, despite of good things that you are having now, you still have things that are struggling. You are scared of getting hurt, you are scared of meeting new people, you are scared of your hatred and you are always afraid to trouble others. And it's okay. They are issues that really common; that happens to everyone else too. 

    But, you will be fine. You have gone through a much more terrible things before and from that you gained strength to overcome anything. You are you. The person who always keeps on making mistakes, hurt herself and others, scared of some things and indeed that what makes you, a normal human like others. You will be fine. 

    You are not useless at all. People always forget their abilities and what they can do until they ended up comparing themselves with others. Those people who hurt you with their words; actually they don't really know anything about yourself. So, it's okay. Just strive forward. Because only you know yourself. If some people hurt you with their words or actions again, you do not need to blame yourself and believe in them. That hurtful acts that they did say more about their personality and not about you. You deserve good things, Auni. You deserve happiness. You deserve to be acknowledged by others (not all because it's impossible to please others okay?). You are fine with the way you are. Don't let other people decide your worth because they also do not know themselves that well too. 

    It's okay to ask for help if you are struggling okay? It's not weak at all. You are not alone at all. You have Him; the one who controls the world. And as long as the love for Him exists in you; you are going to be fine. Your love for Him is not something that's easy for you to erase. So, I believe that you are going to be fine. 

    Lastly, I am sorry. I am really sorry for not valuing you more. I let others' words controlled you and made you hurt again. I'm sorry. But from that pain, you grew to become a much more stronger person. And I am very proud of you. 

    To my past, my pain, my sufferings, I love you. And you should always remember this love and keep on moving forward. You want to help others and become a much more stronger person right? Do that. Don't waver. You will be fine. 

    Thank you. Thank you. Thank  you for being strong. Without you, this future me won't exist. 

Take care.